I hate phones. # 3,279

*phone rings*

Me: East Jesus Community College, Division from Hell, this is Courtney. How may I help you?

Dumb-ass Student: *garble, garble, crackle, garble*?

Me: *fucking cell phones* I'm sorry. Could you repeat your question?

DaS: I'm trying to order my books for class online, and the link-thingie to get to the bookstore isn't working.

Me: Ok, hold on just a moment. *tries link and it works perfectly and quickly* Ma'am? The link seems to be functioning properly. Can you tell me what page you are getting a link from?

DaS: It is a direct link that I have saved in my favorites thingie.

Me: Hmmm. Well, ok, let's try going through a different way, just in case your link is expired or something. We can get there through the current students page on the main website. So, first go the EJCC home page. Do you have that web address?

DaS: Well, I can't do that right now, b/c I don't have internet access.

Me: *crickets* ... *stunned silent*

DaS: Uh, hello?

Me: Um. Sorry. You, um, don't have internet access right now?

DaS: Yeah, our phones and internet and everything are down.

Me: So, uhm, do you think that might be the problem with the link to the bookstore?

DaS: I wouldn't think so. I mean, I have it saved in my favorites and everything. Do you need internet to go to a page you have saved?

Me: Uh. Yeah, I think so.

DaS: Well, that stinks! Shouldn't the online bookstore be accesible to everyone, whether they have internet or not?!

~
Me: *crickets*

~
Me: Would you like me to transfer you to the bookstore, so you can talk to them?

I am not ready for this to end.

I am absolutely not (not. Not. NOT. *not.*) ready for the babies to leave. I'm just not. How on earth have 2 and a half weeks gone by already? I feel like we made the most of this last day. I think we made the most of the whole trip. But I am just not ready for it to be over. It is so very hard.

This sucks.

Sigh.

Size Matters

I treated the girls to Chinese take out for dinner tonight, while Kim and Amanda have their mother-daughter night. We decided to order a few dishes and have our own, at-home, Chinese buffet. I was making Mary's plate first.

MM: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! You're putting a lot of food on my plate, Courtney.

C: Oh, sorry, punks.

MM: You have to remember that I am only a small child. I cannot eat like a grown up adult. My size is small.

C: *trying very hard not to laugh* You're absolutely right. I'll remember that next time.

Bath Time

The kids have an opportunity to earn an allowance while they are here. Since they are joining the family, they get all the perks (and responsibilities) that go along with being members of the family. They can earn $1/day by getting everything done on their to-do list each day. The things on this list are meant to inspire good habits and routines. Twice daily teeth brushings are just an example of things that are covered. Another thing is a daily shower, in an assigned time slot. (Yes, I understand how OCD this sounds, but, for this at least, keep in mind that we have now doubled our family size, in a very small house, and an extremely limited hot water tank.)

We were discussing allowance disbursement tonight, and it came up that the girls had not taken showers this morning. I decided to give them an extra chance to have an evening shower, so they could get their $1. Madison took me up on it. Mary reluctantly went for it, but quickly changed her mind. We then had this discussion...

Me: Ok, Mary, you don't have to take a shower tonight, but you realize you won't earn your money if you don't?

MM: Yes. But I am just SOOOO sleepy. I can't do it tonight.

Me: Ok, that's fine.

MM: It would be so much easier if I could just take like, 5 showers in one day, and then just skip the next few days.

Me: *trying not to laugh* Yes, that would be easier, wouldn't it?

MM: Yeah. *wistful*

*silence*

MM: So, um, could I?

Me: *laughs* No. Punk.

MM: Well, what about just for tomorrow? Could I take two showers tomorrow, and still get my allowance tonight?

Me: No, I don't think so. It only counts if you take a shower each day.

MM: Oh, ok. Will you cuddle me?

Hello, my name is Courtney...

and I am an anal-retentive control freak.

While the kids are here, they are sharing my computer. The main purpose is to play games. It is absolutely, positively e.x.c.r.u.c.i.a.t.i.n.g. for me to watch them play *my* computer games and not do them exactly right. It doesn't even seem to help that they are all playing under their own screen names, so it isn't like they are ruining my perfect scores. *eye roll* I can watch for a little bit. Then I shift to offering (usually welcomed) helpful hints. Then I start directing... pointing at the screen... do this, go there. And finally... well, you can see where this is going, right?

Last night, I actually reached the point where I took the game from Mary, and played it *for* her. I would give it back at the end of each level though, so she could hit the start new level button.

I hate phones.

*phone rings at work*

Me: "Division Office", this is Courtney. How may I help you?

Caller: Hi, is this Dean M.?

Me: Uhhh. No. This is Courtney.

Caller: Oh, you're not Dr. M.?

Me: No. This is Courtney. May I help you?

Caller: Well, can I talk to Dr. M.?

Me: No, she is away on vacation until next week. Is there anything I can assist you with?

Caller: So I can't talk to her?

Me: Nooo, sir. She is out of the office. Would you like to leave a message?

Caller: No, not really. I'd prefer to actually speak with her.

Me: She. isn't. here. today. She will be back next week. You may call back then, or I can take a message to have her call you.

Caller: I don't mind waiting. Can you just put me on hold?

Me: Sure, why not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

L: Is that hold light for me?

Me: Nope. It's for Dr. M.

L: But I heard you tell them she wasn't here.

Me: Yep. But he wanted to wait.

L: Long wait. *snicker*

Me: Yep. *rolls eyes*

L: You just gonna leave it like that?

Me: I haven't decided yet.

L: LOL

Just smile and nod

We paid a much needed, and long overdue, visit to our BFF, Brandon the Bartender, last night for an impromptu date night. I can always tell when we have been socializing with him because my wife gets a bit whacky more fun exciting. Because of this, I have perfected the smile and nod routine. I could tell you some stories about the ideas my wife comes up with. Nearly as exciting as her ideas though, are the conversations that she initiates from total left field. Last nights conversation went something like this...

C: *chattering on about something*

K: *totally randomly* I bet some of our friends have a hard time imagining *me* married to a man.

C: Uhhh. Yeah, probably.

K: Well, honestly, I just can't imagine *myself* married to a man either. Not anymore, I mean.

C: *whew!* Guess I can cross that off the things to be worried about list.